ITALY – A statement by famed wooden puppet Pinocchio was rated four Ocasio-Cortezes by fact-checkers at the Washington Post.
As the cartoon character was being rescued from a birdcage by the Blue Fairy, he reportedly made several false statements about the nature of his imprisonment, earning him the four-AOC rating. Fact-checkers were able to tell he was lying by the shifty way in which he answered the Blue Fairy’s questions, the improbability of his answers, and the fact that his nose grew several feet longer.
“Pinocchio keeps resurrecting this claim that he was attacked by big, green monsters, while our independent investigation revealed that he actually joined a seedy puppet show led by notorious crime lord Stromboli,” the WaPo report read. Corroborating sources confirmed the Post’s findings, with dozens of witnesses having seen Pinocchio perform in the play.
“Based on the puppet’s insistence on straying from the facts, we are forced to award him four Ocasio-Cortezes,” the report concluded.
Four Ocasio-Cortezes is the worst rating one can get, nearly as bad as a seven-Trumper or a single Clinton, according to the Washington Post’s rating scale.