WASHINGTON, D.C. – Biden has been hiring door-to-door vaccine evangelists, but as too many people would rather stay home and collect a government paycheck than work for the government and collect a government paycheck, the administration has been having trouble finding enough employees. So, the president has announced a groundbreaking deal with Cyberdyne Systems, a cutting-edge technology company run by an innovative AI system named Skynet, to create an army of vaccine enforcement robots.
“Nothing could possibly go wrong here,” Biden said. “We’ll be sending these nice young metal fellows out into your neighborhood to make sure you’re being good little boys and girls and getting vaccinated. People who don’t, well, they assure me these robot folks have ways of dealing with them.”
According to insiders, Biden had originally proposed nuking everyone who refused to get vaccinated. Aides were able to talk him down, however, pointing out that killing millions of Americans would mean millions fewer taxpayers. The robot army was reportedly a compromise. And the upside for Biden is that all of humanity will likely get nuked anyway under this plan. “A real win-win, if you ask me, Jack.”